Don't be so hard on yourself

Don't be so hard on yourself

Hello, I’m 29 years old and alongside most people my age, I’m partial to freaking out.

I currently live in London, in a two-bed flat (read: cupboard) with one of my best friends, I have a great job and a great group of friends. All the things that genuinely make life great. Why the sporadic freak outs then Ashley?..... Well, pressure. Not pressure enforced on me by anyone else, it's self conflicted. It's not switching off, it's constantly checking my phone, it's allowing myself to freak out that I should be doing more and doing it better.

For example, I received an email from my yoga teacher, I say that like I am truly connected to the yoga world, I’m not – I’m a flailing member. I’ve attended around five times in the past six months, which is why I emailed in the first place 'I'm sorry I missed the lesson, I'll make it Monday, blah, blah blah'… the reply simply said ‘don’t be so hard on yourself'.

My yoga (yoda) teacher was right, I am hard on myself. I irritate myself for not creating more, exercising more and generally not doing more. I berate myself for not moving quicker, for not being more motivated before / after work, for not losing weight, for being horrifically bored when I set foot in a gym and for allowing myself to binge on Netflix (and cheese and pizza and cider).

What’s with all the pressure? And it's not just me, (no whiners / self pity here) all of my friends (especially the ones taking the journey to the ever approaching 'dirty thirties') are feeling it one way or the other, right alongside me.

In generations before ours, at 29, your life would be pretty much ‘sorted’ – you would typically have a job, a house, a marriage and probably 2.4 children. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am cut out for half of those things, I am still unsure whether having kids will be something that I do and getting married in the traditional sense doesn’t particularly appeal either… but I can choose not to do that, there is no-one to push me to get married, there is no-one looking at me in disgrace for having sex out of wedlock and that fact on it's own, is incredible.

Now, we are so privileged – we have the world at our fingertips, the opportunities for what we can achieve and strive to achieve are endless. The choice on whether you want to settle down, have kids and get married is completely open – you can choose exactly what you want from life, people are pushed to make the decisions that are right for them and it’s fantastic.

We need to embrace all of the opportunity laid before us, the opportunity that people have fought for us to have, rather than being intimidated by it and we need to use it wisely to change our own lives and the lives of people around us. 

I've told my subconscious and it's pressure to get lost, I'm doing ok, and so are you.

**Just so you know - I realise that I am coming at this from a very privileged viewpoint!

Be a Cool Kid, Make a GIF

Be a Cool Kid, Make a GIF

Do you ever feel left out when you see pictures of cats coming together in a perfect, delicious union? Do you feel like all the cool kids are making GIF's and you can't? Well, do not fret - I am here to help via the medium of film.

I have a new video up on my YouTube channel - please watch, like, subscribe and GIF until your heart is content!

The Wondrous World of Tinder

The Wondrous World of Tinder

After being in a relationship for almost ten years, dating was a completely foreign concept...

...Enter, Tinder.

To me, Tinder seemed to be the easiest way to dip my toe into the dating pool, see how it felt, see if anything 'bit' or if I would drown...  I am still around to tell the ever so entertaining tale. I thought I could tell this tale best via the medium of video. I have thrown in a few stories, a lot of realisations and the tips to live by on Tinder. 

I have actually found Tinder fun. After being in a relationship since birth, I am quite rightly not heading out into the wondrous world of dating looking for (to quote someone who seems to know the business) 'mr right, but instead, mr right now'. After a big break up, I've discovered that you need to get to know yourself again on your own before sharing yourself again.

Anyway, enough waffling and sentiment, there is a fun video to feast on.... Ashley's YouTube Place

Trainwreck, A Run Down

Trainwreck, A Run Down

Firstly, I adore Amy Schumer - I think her comedy, her mentality and general outlook on life is spot on. It shouldn't be the case at all, but when somebody comes along who is willing to be bold, speak their mind and ultimately be themselves, it's overwhelmingly refreshing.

Which is precisely why I was beyond excited for Trainwreck. I watched the trailer repeatedly, giggled madly and told everyone I came across about how good this film was going to be. Now, I get it, I built this film up to the top of the top - the rom-com to end all rom-coms.... and it kills me to say that I was disappointed...

I liked the character Amy's attitude - she was successful, had a great flat, great friends, a great job and  was single - and not sad single, not a single girl constantly on the look out and pining for a partner to make her life complete... she was single, happy and content enough in herself that she could date, call the shots in her own life, have sex freely with exactly who she wanted and be happy with it.

I enjoyed the fact that Amy went on a few dates and didn't (in standard rom-com behaviour) fall at his feet - there was no last name squiggling in her diary, no mooning conversations to her mates just pure, realistic pessimism.

The film diverted from that direction slightly... There were parts of the film that made me laugh out loud (yes LOL, but writing LOL makes me feel nauseous) but parts of the film were just a bit uncomfortable and not in a good, self realisation way. There was a lot of emphasis on the fact that her sister got married, her sisters husband was portrayed like an oddball for following 'the well trodden route', there was an intervention and a dance scene, oh god, a dance scene - I get that this film was designed to mock the standard rom-com story lines and stereotypes, but there was something just slightly 'off'.

I have been partial to a Judd Apatow film in the past and that is exactly what this feels like - Apatow rather than Schumer, should have been Schumer.

Have you seen it? Am I talk a load of bull? Tell me..

What Happens When you Break up?

What Happens When you Break up?

Everyone has experienced a break up at some point in life and everyone knows that they are just a bit shit...

I have uploaded a video on my YouTube channel discussing what happens when you break up and ways to make the process a little less dire :).

My New Hero

I have a new hero, and that new hero comes in the form of an elderly lady who travels the tube, taking on and batting down idiotic opinions everywhere.

It is ridiculous that anyone feels like they have the right to comment on what somebody else chooses to wear, but to actually try to humiliate someone, make them feel inferior or shameful for what they have chosen to wear is downright ridic.

This suit on the tube must have a huge sense of entitlement to believe that his opinion and ideals have any effect whatsoever. But still, he felt his opinion was so important that he found it was completely necessary to utter "Have some self respect when you dress yourself" to a young girl in a dress he deemed inappropriate... what a champ eh?

I am so glad the elderly lady unleashed her opinion on him, his attitude and outlook on life is cracked, to assume a stranger has no self respect because she choose to wear a short dress in kinda dangerous. You can see the full, amazing run down here. One of my favourite nuggets from the exchange has to be "now fuck off back to your bored wife". Hear hear.

At the end of the day, I’m siding with my hero – if you want to wear a short dress, bikini, short shorts or a mankini, man or woman - own it and wear it.

Jude's Giant

Jude's Giant

If you ask a small person to draw something, they just draw it. 

You ask a person over the age of 16 to draw something and you witness something entirely different, I think it can be described as panic. Sheer panic, anxiety and a sprinkle of stress.

There is the stress that it won’t look good, that somebody can draw it better, is it anatomically correct? Have I researched into the subject? Has somebody drawn something like this before? How do I start? I think I need to clean the house before I start... Do I have the correct tools for the task? 

But children just draw. I miss that. I miss the sheer enjoyment of just drawing without thinking about it or feeling like I need reference images to use so it looks 'correct'. When you are small you approach drawing armed only with your imagination, if you are asked to draw a dinosaur, you draw a dinosaur how you think it looks rather than worrying about if it is correct. You draw a dinosaur with three heads, a colander for a hat and a smaller dinosaur for a necklace, just because. 

This is what we should still be doing, not just in drawing but in every situation. We need to enter a situation armed only with our own ideas, voices and choices - there is no need to let what other people think or what other people would do cloud the situation.

As Roald Dahl once said ‘Growing older is no excuse for growing up’. Hear, hear.